


Running Away

by Aria_Lerendeair



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Again, Castiel Doesn't Understand, Dean tries to play martyr, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Incest, M/M, Multi, Team Free Will
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-02
Updated: 2013-09-02
Packaged: 2017-12-25 09:30:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/951487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aria_Lerendeair/pseuds/Aria_Lerendeair
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam is sick of seeing Dean and Cas together without Dean ever having said goodbye to him and what they had.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Running Away

**Author's Note:**

> While this wasn't quite what RandomSlasher (darling that she is) had in mind for this particular prompt, I still really like how it came out. Lots of angsting for all three of the boys until they figure their shit out.

“Come on Cas, you can do better than that. Take a deep breath.”

“Dean, you are aware that I have been fighting much longer than you can possibly imagine?”

Dean snorted. “Yeah, well, you still can’t shoot worth a shit. Try again. Here. I’ll help.” He moved to stand behind Cas and wrapped his arms around the former-angel. “Use both your eyes, this isn’t the movies, no closing one eye. When trying to be accurate, and you have time, shoot with your breathing. Shoot on the exhale. After you get good, you’ll just do that naturally.” 

Sam leaned against the doorway to their shooting range and watched Dean help Cas aim properly. Jealousy settled low into his stomach as he remembered the days when Dean was teaching HIM how to shoot like that. In fact, if he remembered right, it was a shooting lesson that had led to their first kiss. 

It was hard to watch Dean press his face to Cas’ neck, the gesture intimate, before he started whispering in his ear. Sam watched Dean’s hands drop from Cas’ arms to his waist, squeezing gently, pulling Cas back against him. Sam let his eyes fall closed and left the two of them to their ‘shooting’ lesson. It didn’t matter. He’d lost Dean a long time ago. Dean didn’t trust him anymore. Not like he used to. Cas had taken up that position quite nicely. 

 

Now that he’d started seeing them together, Sam couldn’t stop seeing it. Everywhere he looked, Dean and Cas were doing something. Shooting practice, going shopping for clothes for Cas, cooking together, watching TV, all of it. Dean had even mumbled something about needing to help Cas sleep, so he had spent the last few nights in Cas’ room. 

Sam told himself that they deserved to be happy, that he would never have been able to make Dean happy forever, and that Cas was the best thing for him. It would be easier to avoid them both until it stopped hurting. If it ever did. 

He went out every night, driving further and further away from the Batcave, telling Dean he was hustling pool. In reality, he simply had to get away from Dean and Cas. What little respect Cas had had for personal space with Dean was now gone. Sam wanted to sleep his way through the rest of the county, but that was what had gotten him in trouble with Ruby. He was just better off alone. Things were better that way. Truthfully, things would be really awesome if he wasn’t holding them back at all. But if he left, Dean would hunt him down. Drag him back, because he couldn’t see anything wrong. 

He took the long way back to the bunker that evening, unable to think about it. He parked the Impala in her usual spot before taking off into the woods, bringing a beer from the car with him. There was a river not far from the bunker and it was a great place to sit and think. Or not think, which was an even better plan at the moment. 

Sam didn’t know how long he had been sitting there for before he heard footsteps behind him. They were too light to belong to Dean, which meant it was Cas. 

“Sam? May I join you?” 

He turned to look over his shoulder. Cas was standing there, clearly in one of his new outfits. The slacks and button-up white shirt suited him much more than the jeans and t-shirts that he had been sporting for the last few days. “Sure Cas. Come on.” Sam scooted over on the large flat rock and tilted his face back up to the sky again. 

He felt Cas settle next to him on the rock and took a deep breath. Was Cas about to tell him that he and Dean were together? Ask him for more space? To move out? 

“I have something I would like to speak to you about Sam. It has been weighing on my mind for some time now. Dean even suggested that I speak with you about it sooner rather than delaying.” 

Suddenly Sam couldn’t bear to hear the words. To hear that Cas was in love with Dean. He stood up. “It’s fine Cas. I already know. Just, it’s fine. Congratulations.” 

“Y-You do?” Cas said, his voice dropping. 

Sam pushed his hair out of his face. He was not about to look at Cas. See the pity on his face. “It was hard to miss Cas. Really hard. You’re rather obvious about it.” 

“Sam, I am-”

“Don’t. Cas.” Sam cut the angel off before he could say anything else. He’d lost Dean. Cas probably hadn’t even known that he had had Dean in the first place. He was so tired. He just wanted to drive and drive and never come back. Run. Leave Dean and Cas to their happy little family. “Hurts enough as it is. Just. Be happy for me, all right? He certainly deserves it.” 

“He? Sam, I do not believe you understand-”

“I understand perfectly well that you are head-over-heels in love with my brother and have been for as long as I’ve known you.” Sam said, turning to walk away from Cas. “I am happy for you. But you need to understand that I’ve lost something. I’m not bitter, I’m not angry, I just need to be alone to get used to it, all right?” He walked back to the bunker, because there was nowhere else to go. Cas didn’t follow him. 

 

 

Castiel stared at Sam’s back as he left the riverside. He kept staring long after Sam had disappeared and was likely back and safely within the Men of Letters bunker. It appeared that Dean was incorrect about Sam’s desire. He would find no place with either of the Winchesters. Perhaps he should have known better. After everything, how could they possibly wish to be with him? 

He curled up slowly, as he had sometimes seen Sam do, pressing his knees to his chest as he wrapped his arms around his shins. Even though it was moderately cold outside, his face felt hot. Far hotter than it should. He could feel despair and pain radiating from his heart. How did humans cope with this level of emotion? There was nothing for it. He would simply have to ignore it. 

Castiel held on tighter and focused on the water moving past him in the river. He had no family. Nowhere to belong. Perhaps wishing to consummate any relationship with Sam or Dean had been a mistake. He missed the closeness. That he had once felt with so many of his brothers and sisters. Anael, Balthazar, Uriel and Samandriel. He would never have that again. Perhaps it truly was better that way, now that all of his siblings were gone. Fallen or dead. 

It was a few moments before Castiel noticed that the fabric of his pants had become wet. He pulled his face back to study the wetness for a moment. He raised a hand to his cheek and felt the dampness there. Tears. He was crying. How human of him. Castiel closed his eyes and resumed resting his face on his knees. There was nothing he could do for it now. Sam and Dean would ask him to leave soon enough, he was certain. He would simply have to wait. 

 

Sam trudged to the kitchen the following morning and put the coffee on. Fuck, he hated hangovers. Nothing was worse. He was an idiot. 

“Hey Sammy, is Cas still passed out?” 

He looked over at Dean in confusion, frowning at him. “Cas? Wouldn’t you know that better than me?” Sam turned back to the coffee machine. Things would make much more sense with coffee. 

Dean frowned and looked around the bunker. “Didn’t Cas stay with you last night?” 

Sam resisted the urge to slam his hand against the counter. “Why on earth would Cas have stayed with me last night?” 

“Maybe because he confessed his undying gay angel love for you last night?” Dean called as he walked to Cas’ room, pushing open the door, his frown returning when he saw the bed was empty and clearly hadn’t been slept in. “He isn’t here. Sam, where was he when you came back from the river?” 

Sam wanted to answer, but his mind was still spinning with what Dean had said. Cas wanted-Cas wanted him? Not Dean? “I...” Sam tried to put his thoughts in a rational order, but they were flying from one side of his mind to the other. Cas had been trying to tell him something last night. It hadn’t been what he thought, and he’d, he’d. “Oh god. Cas.” 

Dean frowned. “Sam, what the hell happened last night? Didn’t Cas tell you? I’ve been telling him to tell you for weeks now.” 

Fuck, it was like the scene with Cas all over again. Dean didn’t want him anymore. Probably never had. Cas, by some miracle apparently did want him. It had to be a mistake. Those two were made for each other. He was the one meant to be alone. Sam tightened his hand around the coffee mug and heard the glass start to crack. 

“Sam!” 

He looked up at his brother and then down at the now-shattered glass on the counter. His hand was cut in a few places, bleeding across the counter. Didn’t hurt. He’d certainly had worse. “I’m fine.” He felt dazed. Almost like when he had a concussion. He couldn’t think straight. Cas had been trying to tell him that he, that he...

“Dammit Sam, what the hell has gotten into you? What happened last night? Where is Cas?” 

“I don’t know.” Sam admitted, watching Dean sweep away the pieces of glass before inspecting his hand. 

“Just need some gauze on these.” Dean muttered. 

Sam watched him leave the room and return with the gauze and a bandage. Dean had the cuts clean and wrapped in a matter of minutes. The sight hurt. Dean never touched him like this anymore. Gently, carefully, lovingly. He no longer deserved it. He’d lost Dean. 

“All right, you want to explain what happened last night? Since Cas’ big declaration didn’t go as planned?” Dean poured them both cups of coffee and watched Sam gulp his down black, something he never, ever did. “That serious, huh? All right, I’m listening.” 

He put the cup down on the table and sighed. Now that he could see what Cas had been trying to do last night, he felt like a fool. A heartbroken fool. Dean didn’t want him anymore. So much so that he’d even tried to push Cas towards him. “Cas is in love with you Dean, not me.” 

Dean blinked and took a sip of the coffee. “News to me, since I’ve been teaching him how to kiss for the past week so he would know what he was doing with you.” 

Sam was so glad he had put the cup down. He would have dropped it at that admission. “You’ve been-”

“Yeah. He asked. He is really head over heels for you Sam. I know you like him too. Why the hell would you think that Cas is in love with me?”

Sam wanted to scream at Dean. Scream that he was still in love with Dean. That he was still sick and twisted for wanting his brother to fuck him and make him scream. He stared hard at the counter, his hands clenching the granite countertop. “You’ve been attached at the hip, non-stop for the past month.” 

“Well, yeah.” Dean gave a wry smile. “I know the way to your heart better than anyone else, don’t I? Showed him how to cook your favorite dishes, he wanted to pick out clothes that would make him look good, taught him what tv shows you like best, helped him figure out how to shoot because he was too chickenshit to ask you like he wanted to.” 

Sam bit down on his lip to keep from screaming. If he said anything now, he was going to mess up all of it. He had to keep himself under control. His face was hot, he could feel it. “W-why?” 

“Cas thinks you hung the sun and the moon Sam. You’re the bravest person he’s ever met, and one of the strongest. You two get your knowledge geek on all the fucking time.” Dean shrugged. “I figured since, you know, we called it quits, he’s one of the only people I could trust to treat you right.” 

Sam wanted to lay down. Or lay Dean flat. One or the other. He took a slow breath. “So that’s it.” 

“What’s it?” Dean asked, staring at Sam. 

“We’re over. Everything between us is gone. Without us even trying to fix it.” Sam managed to get the words out over the feeling of his heart breaking. He stared at Dean, waiting for his brother to meet his eyes. 

“Sam-”

“No. It’s fine. You’ve made it very clear that there is nothing between us anymore. You’re determined to be the martyr. You’re ignoring your attraction to Cas, what was supposedly love for me to try and trying push us together. I get it.” Sam said, his voice deadly calm. Everything felt like it was coated in fog. Anger and rage simmered just under the surface. 

“Is that what you think?” 

Sam laughed. It sounded hysterical to him, but it didn’t matter. None of it mattered. Not anymore. “I don’t know what to think anymore Dean. I really don’t.”

“You think I don’t love you anymore?” Dean stepped closer to Sam, reaching out to touch his arm. 

Sam yanked his arm away from Dean. “I know you don’t, since you’re so determined to throw me at Cas! Fuck Dean!” He walked out of the kitchen and into the living room. 

“You’re right. I want the two best people I know to be together, because I think they will make each other happy. Because I want that for them.” 

He rounded on Dean again, fury racing through him. “And you? What about you Dean? What about what you want?” 

“That doesn’t matter.” 

“Yes it does!” Sam said, raising his voice again. “It matters to me because I love you!”

Dean flinched. “You love the idea of me Sammy. The big, strong hero come to save the day. You were young.” 

Sam lowered his voice again. “You think that changes anything? I love you today just as much as I did when I was sixteen. When did you stop loving me?” 

“I...” Dean flinched and looked away from Sam.

Sam stared at Dean’s turned away face. Now his heart was broken. There was no coming back now. “Guess that answers that.” Sam walked towards the door and picked up his jacket, slipping it on.

“Where are you going?” 

“To find Cas.” Sam said. He slammed the door to the bunker shut behind him and took off in the direction of the river again. Cas was sitting exactly where he had left him last. On the right side of the rock. He trudged forward and sat down next to Cas. 

“Hello Sam.” 

“Dean’s in love with you. You know that, right Cas?” Sam said, clenching his fists. “He won’t admit it, because you said you cared about me.” 

“I care for you both Sam. I want you both. However, Dean explained that is impossible for humans and I would have to chose. He then demanded I chose you.” 

Sam sighed and dropped his face into his hands. “Cas?” 

“Yes Sam?” 

“I’m in love with Dean.” Sam waited for the anger, the rage, the frustration to come. But it didn’t. 

Castiel smiled and nodded. “I am aware of this. It is part of the reason I love you both. That kind of devotion to a sibling was something I thought only angels capable of.” 

Sam opened his mouth, then closed it. “You don’t care?” 

“Of course not. It was a regular practice among angels. Dean insisted there was no way I could have you both. I had to choose.” 

His mind raced with an idea. An idea that hadn’t occurred to him in this tangled mess of a situation. An idea that, the longer he thought about it, the more he liked it. 

“Sam?”

“Yeah Cas?” Sam turned to look at the former angel and was surprised as how close he was standing. 

“You are the broken link in the chain. We need you to complete it.” Cas fidgeted for a moment. “If that is what you wish. I will also leave you and Dean be should you desire it.” 

It was that simple, wasn’t it? Sam looked at Cas. Cas loved them both. Dean loved Cas...and him. He loved Dean...but not... He watched Cas’ smile turn sad. 

“I understand. I shall be fine Sam. You and Dean belong together.” Castiel turned back to the river. 

“Wait...” Sam reached out and tangled his fingers in the sleeve of Castiel’s white shirt. “Cas...wait.” 

“While angels are not supposed to feel, I assure you that even former angels do Sam. I believe that distance is best for us now.” 

Sam was surprised how much he hated that idea, that idea of Cas pulling away from them, of Cas disappearing like he had, for months at a time with no word, no nothing. “Wait, Cas, please. I want to try. To complete the link.” Sam stared at Cas’ head until the angel looked at him. “Give me a chance.” 

Castiel turned and stepped close to Sam once again. “You have never thought of me in this manner previously. It cannot be forced.” 

Sam raised an eyebrow. “Well, it wouldn’t be forcing. You’re not-” He cut himself off and felt his cheeks heat with a blush. Was he really about to admit this? “I’ve thought about you and Dean together. Imagined-”

Sam staggered a little as Castiel rushed into him immediately. He wrapped his arms around Cas and realized how cold he was. “Shit Cas, you’re freezing. Were you out here all night?” 

“Yes. I thought it best to allow you your space.” 

Sam wrapped his arms tighter around Cas and pulled him snug against his chest. “That doesn’t mean you let yourself freeze Cas. Christ. Come on. Let’s get you inside.” He tugged Castiel back into the Batcave and immediately grabbed a blanket before wrapping Cas in it. 

“Dean!” Sam said, pulling Cas close again. He watched Dean turn the corner out of his room and caught his face just before he was able to hide it. Devastation and hurt before Dean managed to hide it behind a nice big smile. “Get your ass over here, Cas spent the night outside and he’s freezing.”

Sam smiled when Dean rushed over and immediately pressed against Castiel’s back, wrapping his arms around him as well. He leaned down to press his face against Cas’ hair. “We got you Cas. We’ll warm you up.” 

He felt Cas sink against him, into them both, his fingers clinging to their shirts. “I got you Cas. I got you.” Sam whispered, looking up at Dean. His brother refused to look at him as they both used their body warmth to warm the angel up. After fifteen or so minutes, he watched Dean pull away. 

“Should be more than good now. I’ll leave you two to it.” 

“Dean-”

“Wait, Dean-” Sam stopped when he realized he and Cas were talking over each other. He glanced down at the angel before letting go. “Dean. Come here.” He ordered, grabbing Dean’s sleeve. 

“Sam, let go. Go have your happy ending with the-” 

Sam slammed Dean into the wall and glared at him. He could see Cas, standing ten or so feet away, watching them. “It isn’t a happy ending without you jerk. You and Cas.” 

Dean sighed. “Sam, I know Cas says it was a normal thing, but you and I both know there’s no way shit like this works in real life.”

Sam smiled again, feeling like he had the upper hand for once. “Most people would say that vampires aren’t a part of real life either. Or angels. Or demons.” He leaned closer to Dean. “It’s a complete link Dean. You love Cas and I. Cas loves the both of us. And I...” Sam brushed their noses together. “I love you Dean. I think I can love Cas. Can we-”

“Sam, this is a mistake.” 

“No. Dean, that’s just it. This is right. We need this. Please.” Sam said. He gave Dean his most pleading look, watching the emotions flash over his face. “Please Dean.” 

Sam was suddenly aware of Cas standing next to them both. He and Dean were staring at each other. He gave up holding Dean to the wall and instead wrapped his arms around Dean’s waist. Cas pressed in next to him and wrapped his arm around Dean as well. 

“Dean, I understand your reservations in this. I truly do. Would it not be best to try? So one of us needs not hurt?” Castiel whispered. 

Dean sighed and rested his head against Sam’s shoulder. 

“Dean. We both want you, okay? Do we need to drag you to bed and prove it to you?” Sam felt Cas’ blush rather than saw it. 

“Think Cas might not be all for that.” 

“Dean, I may be innocent of the flesh, but I have been watching mankind for several millennia. I am not ignorant.” 

Sam laughed and turned his head to kiss Cas quick, just a hard press of lips together. “No. You certainly are not. Especially since Dean was teaching you something, wasn’t he?” He watched Cas blush again and glanced at Dean. “Hey Dean. Want to show Cas what we’ve spent some years perfecting?” 

“I would enjoy that.” Castiel stated, pulling back enough to look at the brothers. 

“Bet you would.” Dean mumbled, staring at Sam. His heart was pounding far too quick. There was no way he could have this. They would fall apart. One of them would end up with their heart broken. 

Sam leaned closer to Dean and brushed their noses together. “Stop thinking so much. We knew we weren’t normal ages ago. This is just solidifying that.” He kissed Dean then, slow and deep. He pressed in against him and licked into Dean’s mouth, tasting him. It had been far too long since they’d last kissed. 

Castiel gave a soft gasp as he watched, swaying closer to them. “Beautiful.” 

Sam pulled away from the kiss and grinned at Cas. “Yeah. You both are. Now c’mere.” With a quick tug, Sam yanked Cas into their arms again and kissed him, soft and sweet. After a long moment, he leaned back. “You know what the best way to warm up is Cas?” 

Castiel shook his head. 

Dean snorted and shook his head. 

Sam smirked. “Skin to skin.”

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Criticisms welcome!
> 
> You can find me here: http://aria-lerendeair.tumblr.com/
> 
> You can also watch me write fics like this (and dozens of others) live! Follow me on Livestream for fics, shenanigans and a general all-around awesome time! http://new.livestream.com/accounts/7212317
> 
> Also: I APOLOGIZE FOR THE CHEESY ENDING LINE, BUT I JUST COULDN'T RESIST. IT WAS THERE.


End file.
